he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
