STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
