Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
