There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
