omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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