I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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