I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
