You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
