I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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