HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.