i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!