We're facebook friends in real life
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think my vagina is haunted
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
