Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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