you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??