when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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