If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
