So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
