dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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