My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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