no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
