Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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