Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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