Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The air taste purple.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
