when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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