they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I enjoy the company of your penis
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
