I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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