i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
