If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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