I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
