i jhust puked up my retainher.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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