my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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