marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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