my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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