Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
