Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
