I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
