ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
