I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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