ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
