Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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