Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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