Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need water and some morals
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
