I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
