I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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