we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
