Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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