She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
even my farts smell like vagina
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
