The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
