I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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