I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
