Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want her autograph on my taint
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...