I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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