I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
