I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
