he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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