Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
