dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
