is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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