I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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