Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
