i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
