I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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