Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
