Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
