I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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