hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
