In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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