If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize