R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
