Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
