Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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