I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
