FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
