And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This house was built for laser tag.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
