This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
