I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
