His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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