I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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