Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
