"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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